Added: Alma Ordaz - Date: 04.10.2021 17:48 - Views: 16316 - Clicks: 2191
These are the core obsessions that drive our newsroom—defining topics of seismic importance to the global economy. Our s are made to shine in your inbox, with something fresh every morning, afternoon, and weekend. Sure, they teach us the biology of sex, the legality of marriage, and maybe we read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be. But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing—and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities.
Men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify their relationships. Thus, our partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support. Below are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear.
Get the tissues ready. This is a double-whammy of suckage. People spend all of their time trying to be less wrong for each other instead of being more right for each other. What you should do instead: Deal with issues individually unless they are legitimately connected. You must recognize that by choosing to be with your ificant other, you are choosing to be with all of their prior actions and behaviors.
If something bothered you that much a year ago, you should have dealt with it a year ago. What it is: Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship.
What you should do instead: State your feelings and desires openly. What it is: When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. Every minor hiccup in the flow of the relationship in a perceived commitment crisis. Otherwise people will suppress their true thoughts and feelings which le to an environment of distrust and manipulation. But understand that committing to a person and always liking a person are not the same thing.
One can be committed to someone and not like everything about them. One can be eternally devoted to someone yet actually be annoyed or angered by their partner at times. On the contrary, two partners who are capable of communicating feedback and criticism towards one another, only without judgment or blackmail, will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long-run.
They got distracted when you hugged them. You want to lay around at home together and just watch a movie tonight, but they have plans to go out and see their friends. So you lash out at them for being so insensitive and callous toward you. Sure, you never asked, but they should just know to make you feel better. They should have gotten off the phone and ditched their plans based on your lousy emotional state. When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times and vice-versa , you will develop codependent tendencies.
All activities at home—even the mundane ones like reading books or watching TV—must be negotiated and compromised. When someone begins to get upset, all personal desires go out the window because it is now your responsibility to make one another feel better. The biggest problem of developing these codependent tendencies is that they breed resentment. What you should do instead: Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs.
Any sacrifices should be made as an autonomous choice and not seen as an expectation. What it is: Getting pissed off when your partner talks, touches, calls, texts, hangs out, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control their behavior. This is absolutely clownshit crazy to me. It creates unnecessary drama and fighting. It transmits a message of a lack of trust in the other person.
What you should do instead: Trust your partner. Some jealousy is natural. But excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are s of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto those close to you. Because otherwise you are only going to eventually push that person away.
What it is: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere. My parents were experts at this one. And it got them real far: a big fat divorce and 15 years of hardly speaking to each other since. They have both since independently told me that this was the primary problem in their marriage: continuously covering up their real issues with superficial pleasures.
This is not a gender-specific problem, but I will use the traditional gendered situation as an example. Not only does this give the woman unconscious incentive to find more reasons to be upset with the man, but it also gives the man absolutely no incentive to actually be able for the problems in the relationship. So what do you end up with? A checked-out husband who feels like an ATM, and an incessantly bitter woman who feels unheard.
What you should do instead: Actually, you know, deal with the problem. Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Someone feels ignored or unappreciated? Talk about ways to restore those feelings of appreciation. But one should never use gifts or fancy things to replace dealing with the underlying emotional issues. Gifts and trips are called luxuries for a reason, you only get to appreciate them when everything else is already good. If you use them to cover up your problems, then you will find yourself with a much bigger problem down the line.
This post originally appeared on MarkManson. Follow iammarkmanson on Twitter. These are some of our most ambitious editorial projects. By Mark Manson. Published December 25, Last updated on March 23, This article is more than 2 years old. me up. Update your browser for the best experience.Girlfriend much needed
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