Added: Ania Hugo - Date: 23.01.2022 06:36 - Views: 42586 - Clicks: 7692
Messages You have no messages. Notifications You have no notifications. All Topics. Type your question. Enter more details. My BF doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't want kids. He just told me this after two years of dating. He said he should have told me earlier but he didn't want to lose me. His friends and family had experienced a lot of divorce and he doesn't want to experience that. Now he's planning on leaving next year. So I agreed to stay with him until he leaves. He said he wanted to stay but he didn't want to waste my time.
I love him but I feel rejected in a way. It's hard to think that he just doesn't see me in his future at all. He didn't say this but that's how I take it. I know this is a stupid question but is there anyway to convince him that marriage would be okay between us?
What would make a man change his mind about marriage? I told him I am serious with him. He said he is serious with me too. So this doesn't make sense to me. How can you be serious with someone but not see a future with them? Edited on July 10, at UTC by the author. Delete Report Edit Lock Reported. Respond to Anonymous:. Respond Your response must be between 3 and characters. TheGirlCode Send a private message. It was very selfish of him not to tell you honey. Things like marriage and kids are serious topics and can be deal breakers for most people.
I get that he didn't want to lose you but right now it is completely up to you if you decide to stay with this man. Things like this is a big NO NO in my book. Stuff like this should be disgust openly and honestly in the beginning of a new relationship once you two realize that you are getting serious about one another. If he lied to you about something as simple as this Wilde Send a private message. My advice is to leave him now. You'll be wasting all those months until winter that you could spend getting over him and starting to look for a man who wants what you want.
Going forward ask about marriage and children earlier in a relationship. Really, don't hang on to the comfort of the 'familiar' it's a false comfort. So he hasn't been honest with you about a very important issue for two years. What makes you think he'll ever be honest with you? Worse, he withheld the truth from you in order to advantage himself.
So from my viewpoint here, he's a selfish liar. Not good marriage material, regardless. I would not count on him to change his mind. Now that he has told you he won't get married, you are agreeing to his terms for as long as you stay. If you want marriage in your future, go pursue it in a new relationship with someone who shares your views.
Or continue to waste your time with Mr. Bombtastic Send a private message. I agree with the rest of your comment Delete Report Edit Reported Reply. TheNgwazi Send a private message. Earlier on in the relationship, did you ask him upfront if he wants to get married, and he told you yes? Or did you two just not have a serious discussion about the issues?
The former means he outright lied to you, and you should wash your hands of him; the latter is a sin of omission, which is not as egregious. Either way, you should proceed under the assumption that he really means what he said about not wanting marriage. A subject as consequential as whether or or not we want marriage and a family is not something that you can use tactical persuasion to get someone to see your way.
Knowing that, do you still want to stay with him? You are hearing a lot of "leave him" or don't trust him from other readers and I understand that, but maybe it's not that simple. Maybe the real crux of the problem he has with marriage, and your blind commitment to it, should be the matter at hand. There are so many relationships in this world built on foundations that would appear to be much weaker than yours.
Wouldn't it be a waste of genuine love to simply let it end and let him walk away because both of you are so stubborn and unwilling to compromise on the issue of marriage? OK, don't get all excited. I know marriage in our country is a big deal.. So many profess their love before there could possibly be love and marry before they could possibly commit to forever. And this is partially why divorce rates are out of control. When given the shot at real love - the kind you would give anything for. I would always choose love.
The kind of love that wakes you in the morning with a smile and lulls you to sleep at night with a decided peace and tranquility because you're with The One. You might say, well then, why if that were the case would a person not want to marry? And I say because marriage isn't what it used to be - doesn't mean what it used to mean. The only truth is love. Is marriage another step up the feelings ladder from love? It is not.
There is nothing higher than love. Love it the ultimate destination. Marriage is a celebration followed by the most honest and gut-wrenching compatibility test imaginable. A test that most are failing, by the way. How many married couples fall victim to thinking being married means having reached the finish line? A conscious understanding that you really don't have to work as hard any more because "you're married". Husband gains 50 lbs, stops buying flowers, won't clean up after himself.
Wife also gains weight, loses interest in preserving the mysterious sexiness we men all love, stops flirting with him. What if they were never married but still very much in love? You think either would let themselves go? You think the flowers would stop? The short answer is no, because you gotta fight for what's important. You gotta earn that love every single day or you just might lose it? You know the easiest and fastest way to fall out of love? Pretend you no longer have to worry about it. Pretend a certificate confirms your love and you can walk through life having to no longer work at it.
But isn't that what marriage is for? Marriage is for flower folks, and DJ's and caterers and formal wear stores. Today's marriage anyway. You question his love for you? Let him go. You doubt he was ever fully committed to you? Probably wouldn't have worked anyway. But if you are really unquestionably in love wouldn't you feel foolish to eventually marry someone you don't love nearly as much, but was willing to marry?
Sounds foolish to me. Talk to him. Find out what his true fears are. Go to see a good counselor. His fears might have nothing to do with being properly committed to you for the rest of your life and you should embrace that with all your might. Don't let marriage get in the way of a wonderful love affair. Have your un-marriage ceremony, draw up your own contract and certificate and then spend the rest of your days earning your partner's love and watch as he tries to one-up you.
You completed the hard part. You found love. The hard part is finding true love, don't lose it by jamming it into the marital vending machine because we are taught that's what you do when you are in love. The honest to God truth is, you love when you are in love. And that's all. That's certainly challenge enough. You love til you can't love anymore and then you find new ways to make each other feel loved and then you die in love and that is as real as it gets. Don't make it about words on a paper. Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Be thankful for love and its true rarity. Talk to him and find common ground.
Then celebrate your lives together. Edited on July 11, at UTC by the author. KingKong89 Send a private message. If you really loved him, you would live with him without an approval from the Government marriage. But you probably dont really love him.
See how all the women responding on this thread are asking you to leave him? Because most women want marriage and men dont. Some people just don't want to get married. He should have been up front with you from the start. He has basically led you on which isn't something I would consider fair.
His mind is probably made up and while nothing is impossible, the possibility of you changing his mind is very unlikely. You can still be serious about someone even if you don't want to get married but you two are on different s of the book.Ltr eventually marriage
email: [email protected] - phone:(551) 253-7319 x 9901
Is it okay to continue a LTR when he doesn't believe in marriage?